Why be afraid?

pexel success

Almost 1 year ago, on November 29, 2016, I wrote a blog entry (before I had a blog) documenting my fears and shifting them to faith.

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Why be afraid of rejection when you don’t know what’s on the other side?

Failure has opened so many doors for me and provided so many opportunities, opportunities that I could have never imagined even if I were paid a seven figure salary to do so. And I’ve come to realize, life is like probability and statistics. The current event was the most favorable outcome. What’s the use in worrying why or why not? Whether things are bad or good, it’s for the best, and therefore – really – everything is good. We grow in times of hardship and flourish in times of happiness.

I’m a 2nd year Master’s student at the University of Michigan. I recently submitted an application for a Fulbright grant to do research abroad in a microbiology lab in Belgium. Why? Well…I want to take a break. My short term goal is to get a Ph.D. in Molecular Biology/Pharmacology, and I realized about half way through my program that I had a perfect opportunity to stop. To stop being tied to a lab through an academic program, and do something I’ve always wanted to do; live abroad in Europe – and I mean really live. But I also wanted to continue beefing up my resume, and so I found the Fulbright grant and was elated. I could continue doing research and being a bad #*@ scientist, while simultaneously submerging myself in a new culture.

So now what? Well..it’s Tuesday and most Ph.D. applications are due December 1st. I don’t hear back from the Fulbright until January and final decisions are made in July. Translation, I’m afraid that I won’t get this grant, that I’ll fail, and I need a Ph.D. program as a backup plan in case things don’t work out.

Pause. Stop. No.

Why not just have faith? Tell yourself you’ve got this. Work as if you’ve already got the position, and deal with things in the moment. I believe that everything that manifests in our lives REQUIRES our knowing, our belief, our faith that it will come to fruition. Just like you know you’re gonna drink a glass of milk with your pancakes in the morning, I should know that I’m already in Belgium, Fulbright in hand.

Thanks to my dear friend Jenn, and advice from her dear friend, for reminding me of something that I already knew…to live my life to the fullest.. I’m not applying to Ph.D.programs because I’ll be in Europe in the Fall completing my Fulbright…so…….

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So I did end up applying (and getting admitted to two) Ph.D. programs; I just deferred for my admission to the University of Michigan until 2018. I must say – it feels pretty great knowing I already have a Doctoral program waiting for me with open arms next year.

But my favorite part about this post is looking back and knowing that everything worked out for the best. Most importantly, I was prepared to know that whatever happened, grant or no grant, was the perfect outcome for me at that time.

Above all, trust the process and embrace the journey.

With Love,
Chi-Chi

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